Show #4. Our first Saturday night.
I take my two boys in - to watch just the first 20 minutes of the show from the technical gallery.
After that, I hide them in Tim, Adrian and Vic's dressing room (and remind them they were given permission by the actors to eat as many sweets as they like.)
The content of the show isn't for an 8 or even an 11 year old, no matter how liberal or enlightened.
It was odd leaving the show just for a few minutes.
And a good step to leaving the actors on their own for a while to just get on and do the show, as Andy and I will both do this week, after press night on Tuesday.
I'm glad I did though. I heard and saw it when I came back with a slightly chilling objectivity.
And it was a tough one. In new ways.
Small moments troubled me.
In a big way.
So I got a bit frustrated. And found it hard to know what to say afterwards.
So we thanked everyone for a great week. Not a great night. A great week.
And I texted Tim and Andy and said what I needed to say.
And I felt better. But still troubled.
So - I slept. Eventually.
And on waking early - very early on this beautiful, sunny September morning (God this show has spanned the whole of September), I realised that it was a great moment to have a performance that went slightly awry.
As Vic taught us to say in his treat (where we played keepy-uppy with a cardboard box): "the only unusual thing about this game is that when the box hits the floor we don't groan with disappointment and get frustrated..."
Instead, we joyfully throw our arms up in the air to celebrate and shout "CARTON!"
So - I'm not shouting...
I'm not even throwing my arms in the air.
But I am just gently saying: "Carton."
I spoke to Tim this morning, who's always brave enough and man enough and usually ready enough to have whatever conversation is needed.
Andy and I will speak later. And we'll take candour to our heart. Again. And again.
Two boys with whom I can really work. Really talk to.
Talking of which....
On the way home last night, Bill and Stan told me how much they loved the first 20 minutes.
"Why did those three people leave before the end?" said Stanley.
"Because they wanted to" said Bill.